The future always alone ?
by veronique2
Summary: Bne plays with Brian's fear


The future always alone ?  
  
Author: Vero  
  
Title: The future always alone? US fic/Brian and Michael  
  
Summary: Ben played with Brian's fear   
  
Email address: mattesaiko@aol.com  
  
Category, Romance, Angst  
  
Spoilers: General QaF knowledge  
  
Warnings: None  
  
Rated: R  
  
Author's note: thanks for tazzkitty who helps me again for this fic.  
  
Archive Permission: Always and ATP, all others ask  
  
Disclaimer: Queer as Folk the series, characters and concepts are  
  
the property, copyright and trademark of Showtime and Cowlip. No  
  
ownership is claimed by the author; this work is nonprofit, noncommercial and not for sale for commercial purposes. Characters and  
  
situations not specifically owned, copyrighted, or trademarked by the  
  
creators of Queer as Folk are the sole copyright of the author.  
Ben was near Michael. Michael hold his new born Daughter « Farah » in his arms. The baby was so cute. Not very far Brian was playing with his son Gus. Brian had a large smile. Lindsay joined him and told him it was time For Gus to go to sleep. Brian smiled faded away. Then the tall guy joined his best friend and looked at the little baby with tenderness. Everybody was happy.  
  
But Ben wasn't very happy. He couldn't have any child. Farah was so cute and looks like his father. He looked at his lover with the baby. He was afraid to lose them one day. He knew that someday Brian could steal everything from him away. Michael, Farah and all his new friends too. He didn't want that and to Didn't want to loose everything. The only way to not losing was to talk to Brian , to push him away once for all.  
  
The next day Ben came in Brian's office. Brian was surprise to see him. They decided to eat together.  
  
" So what do you want Ben" asked Brian.  
  
" just talk. and I wanted to apologize too."  
  
Brian grinned.  
  
" Well, true you weren't really nice with me lately"  
  
" Yes, but I realize I was wrong.. I m sorry"  
  
" Thanks"  
  
" Tell me Brian, Why are you still here? In Pittsburgh?"  
  
" What? What do you mean?"  
  
" I mean, what do you stay here after all this years?"  
  
" my life is here, my friends are here, my son too"  
  
" it's not your son, you quit your father rights, he is Melanie and Lindsay 's son"  
  
Ben knew he touched a sensitive point. Brian felt hurt.  
  
" I was thinking yesterday , how your life is really hard.."  
  
Brian laughed.  
  
" What? My life is perfect!"  
  
" if you say so but you don't fool me Brian."  
  
Brian smiled at him.  
  
" In fact even if I m Hiv , I m more lucky than you"  
  
Brian didn't understand.  
  
" I have a wonderful lover who loves me for what I am . I know about Michael's obssession for you.. Sometimes it's hurt me but I know it's just a sexual attraction.. sometimes I wish that you and him have sex so he can move on and belongs completely to me. But I can't ask you to do it."  
  
Once again Ben knew he touched another Brian's weakness.  
  
" It took me long to figure out, but I know now you are in love with him and that why you don't want to have sex with him. Because you know if you two cross that line. You will loose him after. It must be so hard."  
  
" I don't know what are you talking about"  
  
" Michael 's loves me even he wants you. It's the difference between you and him. He can love another person, you don't. You didn't love Justin even if you wanted to try your heart belongs to Michael but for Michael you are a fantasy.. He never loves you the way you want that certainly why in 18 years he never confessed love to you. just like for Justin. You were Justin 's fantasy too and he used you.. I felt sorry for you Brian . Everybody used you, for money ,for sex, you have nothing only illusions."  
  
" I don't want your pity.. and everything it's bullshit!!"  
  
" Even your friends, there are Michael's friend. If you loose Michael who stay by your side Brian? You will loose all your illusions of a family , of friendship.. Only Lindsay will stay to ask you some money to raise your son . A son who doesn't belong to you since you lost your rights. I wanted to apologize, I didn't see that before And.. "  
  
Brian stood up.  
  
" it was a pleasure to talk to you but I m busy" said Brian .  
  
Brian left and Ben knew he had hurt him deeply. That He played with Brian 's securities. And he did well. He felt sorry to have to do that but he wanted to keep what he had. It felt funny to see that a part of Brian's unsecurities was his too. Of course he lied, Michael was in love with Brian. He remembered Michael's words " friendship feelings, love feelings."  
  
A part of him was regretting what he did but he didn't want a future always alone far away from the man he loved : Michael.  
  
Brian didn't come back to his work that afternoon. Ben 's word had hurt him more that he thoughts. He laid on his sofa tears rolled on his face. Finally he took his cell 's phone.  
  
" hi! It's Brian Kinney.. I want to sell my loft.. soon as possible."  
  
****** Michael entered Brian's loft.  
  
"Brian!! I came as soon as possible! Where are you? What's the emergency?"  
  
"In my room."  
  
Michael joined Brian. Brian was in his bed.  
  
"Come on Mikey."  
  
"Are you sick?"  
  
"No. come on."  
  
Michael joined Brian and lay down. Brian kissed Michael. Michael broke the kiss.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I want you! I want to have sex with you!"  
  
"What? Are you high?"  
  
"No... I think we need to have sex and move on..."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"All these years you stay near me because you wanted to have sex... it's okay. I will give you want you want... I can cope with the aftermath now... and after you will return to your precious professor and make him happy."  
  
"Are you fucking crazy??  
  
"So please, come on I want it too.Don't worry, after I will leave...I will sell my loft."  
  
"You will sell your loft??"  
  
"I'm leaving, Mikey."  
  
"WHAT?? What the fuck are you saying? Are you insane? I don't understand."  
  
"I need something new..."  
  
"Something new? What? Like you want to go to New York?"  
  
"Maybe... I have nothing here..."  
  
"What?? Your life is here, your friends, your family, your son!!"  
  
"Don't make me laugh.you want to say yours friends, your family, Melanie and Lindsay's son!"  
  
"Brian! It's yours too!!"  
  
"Fucking not!! I need to build my own life!! Away. far, far away from here"  
  
"Brian! What happened, I don't understand you!"  
  
"If I stay here, I will go insane."  
  
"You can't go like that!!"  
  
"Why? Who wants me to stay? Everybody has his life. A life that doesn't include me."  
  
"It's not true!"  
  
"So tell me one good reason to stay?"  
  
Michael looked at Brian. He wanted to say something to him. Brian looked at him with a sad look. Then he kissed him again and began to unzip Michael's pants.  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Why? It's just a goodbye fuck."  
  
"I don't want a goodbye fuck!! Are you nuts!! That's crazy!"  
  
Michael looked at Brian.  
  
"Fuck Brian!!"  
  
"So you don't even want me now. the professor is so great..."  
  
"What!!"  
  
Michael took Brian's hands tightly and blocked him.  
  
"Brian!!"  
  
Brian looked at Michael. Tears rolled down his face.  
  
"I hate my life Mikey. I don't have anything but you..."  
  
"You know it's not true..."  
  
Brian said nothing.  
  
Michael looked at his best friend. He didn't remember seeing him so sad before.  
  
"Brian, I don't want you to leave just because you think you have nothing here, it's not true, it will be a mistake."  
  
"It's not enough for me"  
  
"You have to explain to me clearly!!" yelled Michael  
  
"I wish I could have died that day.my fucking life is exactly the same as that day.I still have nothing... "  
  
"What? What day?"  
  
"One day, the professor will want to go another place and you will follow him."  
  
Suddenly Michael remembered his departure to Portland and when he found Brian scarfing.  
  
"Brian!! I'm not going anywhere, my home is here!"  
  
"Yeah sure... and you told me to leave to Portland!!"  
  
Brian stayed silent.  
  
"Brian!! Say something"  
  
"You didn't get it? I have no right to tell you to stay!! I was just fucking crazy to think that finally you could choose to stay though!! I tried to show you Michael but you didn't get it!!"  
  
Michael understood, that the scarfing was an SOS. After 3 years!! He felt so stupid.  
  
"I won't go anywhere Brian. I will stay here forever."  
  
"Too late, it's me who leaves this time."  
  
"No you won't!" yelled Michael.  
  
"It's not your life Mikey! It's not your business after all!!"  
  
"It's my business Brian!!"  
  
"Oh? Why?"  
  
Michael had heard this question before, after the scarfing. He didn't have time to think this time, he knew one thing, Brian wasn't going well and he didn't want to lose him. No matter what happened. He just stopped to try to think about things and said:  
  
"It' s my business Brian because I love you and I don't want you to leave, it's not your life, it's our life!"  
  
"Our life? What life? You are living with the professor remember?"  
  
"You know what I mean Brian."  
  
Brian glared at Michael.  
  
"So can we fuck now!! I want to move on! If you don't want to do that for you! Do it for me!"  
  
" I can't..."  
  
In Michael's head everything was confused but "now or never" was running in his mind.  
  
"Brian, I can't imagine a life without you, I can't imagine a future without you. I'm ready to take a risk, I'm ready to tell that I'm in love with you, I'm ready to break up with Ben, I'm ready to make love to you. I said make love not fuck! I'm ready to fight everybody for you but you HAVE to take a risk too so."  
  
" I love you, Michael," said Brian with a serious voice and a genuine look.  
  
It was all Michael wanted to hear. Everything happened so fast.  
  
"Get dressed, Brian."  
  
"What ? You said you are ready to make love," said Brian with a laugh.  
  
" I said I was ready to break up with Ben too... and I want to be honest with him..."  
  
"He won't be pleased."  
  
"I guess... it will be hard... I didn't know how to tell him the 'news'."  
  
"Tell him that whatever happens now, he is still a part of our family..."  
  
Michael smiled.  
  
"So you believe you have a family now??"  
  
"No, but I have you. It's enough for me"  
  
"You are wrong Brian, I will prove you. You don't have only me. I will prove it to you."  
  
Brian kissed Michael deeply.  
  
*****  
  
Two weeks later:  
  
Ben went to Brian's office.  
  
"Oh, what a surprise!" said Brian.  
  
"I wanted to talk with you."  
  
"You already apologized."  
  
"I know... Michael is still pissed with me."  
  
"He will calm down sooner or later."  
  
"Why aren't angry with me after what I did to you?"  
  
"I think, you felt like me, afraid to lose everything to be alone for the rest of your life. I could do the same to keep Mikey. Who knows?"  
  
"I don't think so. You can't do something that could hurt Michael deeply... like I did."  
  
"If you say so..."  
  
"So thank you..."  
  
"Don't worry, Michael will forgive you. and in fact because of you , Mikey and I are together." Brian smiled.  
  
"It wasn't my intention."  
  
"I know."  
  
*****  
  
Brian and Michael were in Melanie and Lindsay's home. Gus was playing with a toy. Brian looked at him with a large smile. Michael had his daughter in his arms.  
  
Lindsay looked at Melanie and Michael.  
  
"Brian, we have something for you" said Melanie.  
  
She put a large paper in the table.  
  
"What is it?" he asked.  
  
"We talked with Michael.and I decided to quit my rights on Farah for you."  
  
Brian was in shock.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You quit your rights for Gus. It's hard for me to do it but Michael is right, we are a family now. I felt threatened because Gus didn't belong to me. I was afraid to lose everything one day, that's why having Gus rights was important. But, now I know that nothing can break our family and you are Gus's father, you are a member of the family, too. So I give you my rights for Farah.I will still be her mother like you are still Gus's father. that changes nothing but we think it's fair to do it that way even if you can't imagine how hard it is for me to do it."  
  
"I can imagine Melanie," said Brian still in shock.  
  
"So the only thing to do is sign.of course Farah will live with Lindsay and me! It's out of question you raise our daughter." that last line was hard for Melanie.  
  
"I can't accept, you can't quit your daughter," said Brian.  
  
"I don't quit her!! You don't quit Gus, do you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So all you have to do is sign and you and Michael will be the legal parents of Farah."  
  
Brian's hand was shaking when he was signing.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
And for the first time, Brian and Melanie shared a sincere hug.  
  
Brian took Farah in his arms. The cute baby smiled at him. Michael tried to hold his tears because he knew that it was important to Brian.  
  
Finally, Brian had his family, a real family. He never will be alone.  
  
end 


End file.
